Ms. Juanita Moore's Academy nominated performance in Imitation of Life defined a point of view for my mother. She had spoken to me, my sisters, my Dad and herself about this film since my earliest recollection.
Long before I ever saw the movie, I knew the plot, cold.
The movie was also made in one of my favorite periods in the coverage of sociopolitical topics of blackness in film and theater. There was an opening for the discussion of real topics in films like Imitation of Life or Guess who's Coming to Dinner, and plays like Raisin in the Sun. The field of topics narrowed for more than a decade until the emergence of She's Gotta Have It.
I also love movies made in this period because they are free from limitations of the category: Black film/movie/theater as it exists does today. People saw Imitation of Life because the acting was good and the premise was powerful.
I've always longed for more films that dealt with the challenging issues and an emerging desegregated mindset, in the context of an evolving society.
Why did those great movies stop? Maybe because of the powerful community impact and the real life pressure of civil rights resolution.
As I reflect on the post originally written in 2014 at the announcement of Ms. Moore's death, I am in awe of Meghan Markle. Meghan embodies the complexity of race portrayed in Imitation of Life. And, yet, unlike the movie plot, she stands proudly in her identity and her love for her mother. I wish both Juanita and my Hyacinth had lived to witness.
The times have changed.
Written for Hyacinth Grenville.
Photo: Juanita Moore, left, and Susan Kohner in “Imitation of Life.”Universal Pictures
See more about the film here:https://www.nytimes.com/watching/titles/imitation-of-life
Updated: Dec 29, 2021
When I saw my mother last September, it had been almost a year. She looked dreadful. l was so angry. Why had she kept the devastation of her body from me? Why hadn’t my father or sisters called? How come a picture hadn’t been sent? The alarms should have been sounded. I have a face like an open book. No one had told me that the 5th floor of the Brampton hospital was the Palliative Oncology ward, prior to my walking up to the nurses station to find my mom in her hallway bed. In Canada, there is such a thing as a hallway bed. The wall was numbered on her floor with 3-5 stations and the bed was wheeled against the wall. There were 2 other patients in this status at the time. One had partition. Although my mother looked like a she was living in a body that had been eroded by metastasized cancer, she, herself, had no part in that existence. She said, “the hospital is packed.” Couldn’t I see? And they have to “put you where they put you.” And she dismissed my “why are you on this floor?” And my look with a “Never mind that.” I decided to let her have her way. I was still mad though. Pissed, actually. She was, by my assessment, IN SO DEEP.
My current boss said once, I am “optimized for a sh*t storm.” My first boss said, he never worried about me since I was “scrappy.” But, even I wondered what to do. I didn’t have tools to get out of this storm and 95% of my standard tool kit had been eroded by the late timing of the intervention. I loved her. I was mad as hell. My hands were tied. And, I was so sad. To be an feelings person, raised in deliberate stoicism is so hard. I, of course, would hug you every day. But, that was not the way. My mother didn’t like that. And I get all the reasons why you would protect a little black girl in that way. But it was a tax. I had to discern when my hugs were okay. I think it is important to share this part because there are very few of us who can write that in all ways, we were suited for our family of origin. The dynamic of voiced emotions when silence or retreat would do, was the trauma the family endured to raise me. Conversely, the unpredictable nature of my delivering no emotion when that was exactly not what was wanted, made me contrary and difficult. My own inner narrative, “you can’t have it both ways.”
It wasn’t surprising when I pressed the issue to find out where the heck all this pain was coming from that something happened. Let me start with the conclusion, some of my mother’s pain could be alleviated by seeing a different kind of doctor. And, by the time, I returned to Portland, her physician had “called to inform her” that the appointment had been set up. But, here’s also what happened when I pressed the issue, my mother unraveled. She said, to her doctor, “please don’t tell my daughter what is going on with me. No, doctor. No.” And I could write a super break your heart descriptive of this moment. But that is not relevant to this story. Plus, if you can’t feel it. My words wouldn’t really help anyway. Of course, I knew. Mummy also didn’t want to make it easy. Her doctors’ hands were tied. So, we were at an impasse. I left my Mom to the nurses. Mummy wanted me to supervise her shower. I was too mad, in shock, and because I didn’t want to do it anyway, I punted. I said and I have no recollection of the exact wording that I was leaving and I would be back later. And, because, you know that mother-daughter place, I added maybe she should have someone she trusts help her with her shower. Pissed. Disappointed. Unable to assemble a plan that could pull her out of this rabbit hole, I also went to the nurse station out of her line of sight so someone would assist her. I decided to change my travel plans and not head back to home, but to return to Brampton after two days in D.C. In DC a lot happened, the least of which was that I met Lupita and David Oyelowo at a private screening of the Queen of Katwe, as the fangirl that I am.
I will explain how those 72 hours away changed a lot of things.
More later.
Me, being hugged. I needed that hug that day. Thanks David Oyelowo. Sept 2016.
Have you noticed that discussions of women in leadership are no longer staying as neatly in the lines as we are used to? November’s Power Breakfast, sponsored by the Portland Business Journal, was no exception. The four women leaders and the panel facilitator spoke about their journeys, current events, and the changes in business culture. Each shared her stand and perspective as a woman, but the discussion itself was not at all “for women only.”
Women find ways around the isolation of leadership by stocking their toolkit with screwdrivers, sledgehammers, and self-care.
Here are my four leadership-style takeaways from The Women in Leadership Power Breakfast.
Transform into increasing leadership Women excel in collaboration and can role model for the organization. According to Maria Pope, “transform” means “not to ditch the essential characteristics of women’s leadership.” Transform means for each woman to be more grounded in her leadership style. Pope’s advice was to: Be collaborative with a broad range of thinkers. Be inclusive. Foster many minds working together to solve complex problems.
The sledgehammer or the screwdriver, know which one to choose What do women require in their toolkit? Often women get accustomed to the detailed approach of problem solving, Chandra Brown said. Then, they negotiating through life with the careful adjustments of a screwdriver. Brown’s background in the construction industry led her to conclude that women rarely reach for their sledgehammer. “So, what does it mean for everyone to have full access to their toolkit?” she asked.
The art of the counter offer What women can learn from men is not to accept the first offer. No matter what, Serilda Summers-McGee advised. Then she led the audience in a repeat after me, call and response style, to her cue of “Counter Offer.” Say it again. Louder. “Counter Offer”
Manage your transitions Each leader makes adjustments as she takes on more positional authority. Often taboo, Vanessa Sturgeon was candid about the importance of therapy and self-care. Executive leaders require a confidant, she said, as they redefine who they are and learn how they operate at the next level.
L-R: Vanessa Sturgeon (TMT Development), Chandra Brown (Endeavour Capitol), Serilda Summers-McGee, Maria Pope (PGE), Suzanne Stevens (Editor, Portland Business Journal)
A Culture of Inclusion = No Harassment
Suzanne Stevens, facilitator, had the panel address the rise of recognized allegations of sexual harassment in entertainment and politics.
Summers-McGee asked women in the audience to raise their hand if they were surprised by the allegations; no one did. She then asked men in the room to observe. It was a powerful moment.
The goal is to eliminate harassment for everyone. "Increase physical and psychological workplace safety for all employees", Pope advocated, "that’s how we continue the momentum." Brown and Sturgeon explained we all must participate in calling out the behaviors. “C – I – O, Call It Out,” Brown said. In my opinion, on-the-spot action is the new 21st century courage. Courage, in this century, shows up as men and women represent each that other and take a personal stand for inclusion.
On-the-spot action is the new 21st century courage.
So, here’s a pro-tip that will help us all. If you feel that you cannot report an incident on your own, Summers-McGee said, gather a few friends or supporters and come forward as a group. It had never occurred to me that you didn’t have to go it alone. This is a very important message. Overall Impact of the Power Breakfast
The panel’s discussion helped me to realize that women find ways around the isolation of leadership by stocking their toolkit with screwdrivers, sledgehammers, and self-care or amplifying their skills in collaboration.